post call...

last night i spent almost 12hours just inside the operating theatre with my specialist, performing major sugeries, 2 laparotomy for perforated viscus men, n i almost messed again with the later case. i had positioned the pt wrongly and placed the tv in wrong direction. i'm lucky for not scolded coz he's in good mood... but having particular bad experience (with him) made me felt plunged into depression again. when the moon rises, i was already praying the call will soon be over. i have other surgeries to do till didnt manage to see all newly admitted patients, or do ward to review inpatient's prob. another blessing is i have efficient houseman to help me in both wards. felt bad to have called my second passive MO oncall to see cases for me, n have to ask houseman to go medical ward to see pt for me.
woke up today with whole bodyache n throbbing headache. cant even set a proper line for pt in ward.
suddenly feel i may not cut out for surgeon, n sometimes feel intimidated to think of going for master for surgery...